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My bro sent me this video though & it made me feel loads better, keeping me motivated. I swear I love him to death (He’s not blood but blood coulda neva mek us any closer)
I must say, through all that I’ve been dealing with these past few months my friends and fam have been truly amazing. Today I had a break down of some sort. I say of some sort because it wasn’t my usual break down. (I did cry in my house, on the train and on the bus while talking to random ppl & reflecting though smh) It was as if everything that occurred in December officially hit me today when I saw that I couldn’t reapply to my old colleges nursing program until 5 years from now. I’m sorry but what the fuck kind of policy is that? Who puts that kind of crap in place and why?? What’s gonna change about me in 5 years except the fact that I’ll be more determined (side note: I already am) & I’ll have forgotten every damn thing they taught me already -__-. I really don’t understand the system of nursing school or the world of nursing school entirely.
But yeah, I had me some type of breakdown today, but I also reached out to people I knew that cared about me. Something I don’t normally do. I posted a stat on FB (only visible to 25 people) & I started to get phone calls. I was honestly shocked out of my ass because I wasn’t expecting that & def not 1 minute after I posted it. Outside of that friends and fam started commenting with really uplifting and supportive words and I was still down but their support started to replant the positive seeds that I needed in my mind.
I texted my still (#1 supporter even if he doesn’t realize he still is) and I took in everything he and everybody told me.
I don’t know, right now I’m no longer planning a wedding and this week I didn’t have to babysit m cousins a lot which was a huge weight lifted. The fact that I finally got to relax this week for the most part anyway & I had nothing to occupy my mind opened a door for the devil to get busy on me and after reading that 5 year policy, he started to break through to me. I’m grateful for all the people that snatched me right back though because they started working on patching me right back up. I can’t give negativity and the man downstairs power over me. I gt keep my faith. I have to stop, breathe and think. & most importantly I gt trust God.
I still feel like I’m sitting around doing nothing right now so I’m busting m behind tryna find a job in healthcare but otherwise I’m tryna trust Him and just be easy.